I remember when I decided to get more current and drop my VCR and go digital. Since I had AT&T high speed internet and long distance, it made sense to go with the Satellite Dish and DVR.

Little did I know how complex this process would be.

It started when the service guy came out and informed me they couldn’t get a signal from my house.

So now I had to think of alternatives.

Comcast, our major cable company had several options, depending on whether or not I switch my internet as well.

I called AT&T and I wasn’t under contract anymore to stay with the internet I had with them, but they promptly lowered my monthly cost and gave me 13 phone features I really didn’t need for only 36 cents more a month.

While it still cost a little more to have AT&T then Comcast for the internet, changing would mean a coordination of installing cable I wasn’t interested in doing. So I thought I’d stay with AT&T for the internet and go with Comcast for the cable.

There was a big price difference between basic cable and standard cable, but they were having a 3 month special for more channels then I knew existed plus a premium channel.

However, in order to have the DVR you would need to keep the digital cable which was included in the three month special and the cost of this would probably be the same as renting a two bedroom apartment somewhere in the mid west.

It occurred to me I was doing all this to make sure I don’t miss an episode of 24.

Then AT&T found a signal so I could stay with them.

So now I have 120 channels, of which I may watch five.

But I have the DVR!

I never had trouble taping to a VCR but it’s so much easier with the DVR.

It almost makes the hassle with all the choices and alternatives worth it.

Actually the end result made it worth it.

There are a lot of times where there are numerous choices, all appearing overwhelming and at the moment not worth pursuing.

But many times these choices are part of the process and are necessary to pursue to get the result.

When I’m overwhelmed and remember what I’m striving for:

 I can break the overwhelm into smaller steps
 I can make decisions
 I know I will get my outcome

Now its time to go high density!

The reason he feels this way involves a history of actions between him and the board over the last several years. (never mind over 50% of the original board has changed throughout this time).

What my client realized though is he was only hurting himself with these thoughts. It placed him into his pity party.

He is making tremendous conscious efforts to stay out of his pity party and look at the board differently.

He has made great progress but like anything else, there are ups and downs.

I asked him how he was doing. He said:

I was in my pity party. But I didn’t go to the VIP lounge this time!

I loved the comment.

I know I have my pity parties. They can last only a moment or span over some days. And while there might be some rationales if you’re going to have the party make it splashy, if you have the party too much and have made it too comfortable - you’re stuck.

Then the VIP lounge is not splashy but an excuse to stay in your negativity.

Pity parties. Feeling sorry for ourselves.

It’s human.

But when I recognize I’m in the party too long:

• I think of something I could be appreciative or grateful for – and pretend to be until I actually am
• I do something – anything – even smile – which is different then what I was doing
• I get over being bored because staying in those feelings is boring.

Occasionally I go to parties where I do go to the VIP lounge. But those parties have room for more then one living creature.

Generally I get very good results.

One time I got a perfect score.

Someone from the company where I contracted to do the training called me to congratulate me, she was thrilled.

It was nice to get this call and get the recognition.

But there really is only one to go from here.

In contrast, I played in a tennis match where my partner and I were destroyed. We won a few games but pretty much couldn’t do much worse then we did.

But there really is only way to go from here.

In fact there have been subsequent courses where the evals have gone down a bit.

And there have been matches where we have won.

But I have been able to enjoy all these moments, whether winning or losing, or getting a perfect score.

I wouldn’t have always enjoyed them.

In my early years as an instructor I would have focused on the imperfections. I wouldn’t have seen the wisdom of losing.

Am I wiser because I’m older?

I hope not!

I believe it is about focus and passion.

When I am focused and passionate about what I’m doing:

• It’s about the process not the result
• The challenges are shifted to opportunities
• I appreciate when it goes well because I know what it’s like when it doesn’t!

As long as I keep this perspective, there really isn’t only way to go when you’ve achieved perfection or total disaster. Rather a myriad of alternatives which you seamlessly flow between.

I was going to my brothers the day before the retreat. I thought he had a tent but wanted to confirm this with him. After asking him I also inquired if I could borrow a couple of pillows.

His response was yes but also

You seem to be worrying about this a lot.

Button pushed.

I got pretty defensive and said

I’m not worried I’m planning.

His response

That’s something mom would say but you would say she was worrying.

Another button pushed.

Conversation over.

I wasn’t worrying I was planning so I could be organized.

But I started wondering about the difference between planning and worrying?

Actually in those moments I wasn’t wondering what the difference was I was worrying about what the difference was!

Which made me realize worrying was about being stuck in a moment, in a cycle with no out.

Planning was proactive and freeing.

Sure, too much planning could be confining and compulsive.

But when I’m planning instead of worrying:

• I’m attune to the present
• I’m not coming from fear but instead, looking for results
• I have the choice to worry about something else

So now I’ll plan on how I won’t let my brother push my buttons.

1. Flexibility
2. Adaptability
3. Stability
4. Predictability
5. Being Innovative
6. Being Quick to Take Advantage of Opportunities
7. A Willingness to Experiment
8. Risk Taking
9. Being Careful
10. Autonomy
11. Being Rule Oriented
12. Being Analytical
13. Paying Attention to Detail
14. Being Precise
15. Being Team Oriented
16. Sharing Information Freely
17. Emphasizing a Single Culture Throughout the Organization
18. Being People Oriented
19. Fairness
20. Respect for the Individual’s Right
21. Tolerance
22. Informality
23. Being Easy Going
24. Being Calm
25. Being Supportive
26. Being Aggressive
27. Decisiveness
28. Action Orientation
29. Taking Initiative
30. Being Reflective
31. Achievement Orientation
32. Being Demanding
33. Taking Individual Responsibility
34. Having High Expectations for Performance
35. Opportunities for Personal Growth
36. High Pay for Good Performance
37. Security of Employment
38. Offers Praise for Good Performance
39. Low Level of Conflict
40. Confronting Conflict Directly
41. Developing Friends at Work
42. Fitting In
43. Working in Collaboration with others
44. Enthusiasm for the Job
45. Working Long Hours
46. Not Being Constrained by Many Rules
47. An Emphasis on Quality
48. Being Distinctive – Different from Others
49. Having a Good Reputation
50. Being Socially Responsible
51. Being Results Oriented
52. Having a Clear Guiding Philosophy
53. Being Competitive
54. Being Highly Organized

*from Academy of Management