An attendee in a management workshop I was facilitating was having issues dealing with all the young, 20 something employees (is this Gen Y?).   He felt they were entitled and didn’t work hard enough.

Another attendee was younger and was intimated managing people old enough to be her parents.

A third student wanted my opinion on whether there should be a focus on generational issues.

I enjoyed that question. I had a simple answer: No!

Now I know there are books written on how to deal with the different generations, but in my opinion looking at this as an issue leads to a focusing vacuum.  Meaning, focusing on this gets you no where, leads to no solution, yet builds your frustration.  It’s a trap.

While there is truth to some of the generalities associated with each generation, they are generalities nonetheless.

Did the attendee who felt 20 something’s didn’t work hard enough see the irony that another attendee in her 20’s was struggling dealing with older employees?!

There will be people in their 20’s that will fit the generalities. There will also be people in their 30’s, 40’s and beyond who fit the generalities. And there will be people in their 20’s that fit the generalities of other age groups.

Until you get specific with what you need the generalities will either make you feel good, stressed or right.

If you take the focus off generalities of age group and look at each person:

• You can measure each person based on their objective goals
• You will see people of all ages have strengths and challenges
• You de-emphasize age and emphasize other traits

However, 50 is definitely the new 30!

Where has your focus on generalities of someone’s age helped or hindered you?

You know those people.  They have that personality which gets under your skin.   They seem to always be negative and never smile. Or they seem to always be optimistic and not realistic. Or some other irritating attribute.

Getting irritated by someone’s personality is an opportunity to change the relationship! What you need to do is look at it differently.

When I teach skills to managers I don’t allow them to use the word personality. I have the use the word behavior. If they slip and use personality I have them change it to behavior (well, by the second day, they’re making the change themselves!)

Why this focus? What’s the difference between using the word behavior vs. personality?

Because unless we are a psychiatrist who can prescribe mind altering drugs or we are one of those characters with supernatural powers on the now defunct television show Heroes, we don’t have the power to change someone’s personality. It is a trap and pitfall to focus on changing their personality or even be bothered by it. It increases one’s stress level and doesn’t lead to anything productive.

What we can change is our behavior. Not their behavior. But our behavior.

For example, if we feel we’re always talking to someone and they never seem to do what we want, maybe we should stop talking! They might prefer email.

Or if we deal with someone who seems always in a rush and is quite frankly, intimidating, maybe we should behave a little like them. When we go up to them be brief and to the point, and offer solutions with your conversation.

When we focus on how someone behaves instead of how others are acting:

• We put responsibility on ourselves
• We can take action to change the situation
• We can change our behavior to match or complement theirs

Changing our behavior does not guarantee that someone won’t still be difficult. But not changing our behavior pretty much ensures things will stay the same.

In a recent tennis match, one of my teammates was angry after his match. He lost and felt the other team didn’t really play tennis. He said all they did was lob the ball, it wasn’t fun. But it was a strategy which is legal and obviously worked.

Similarly, having an employee who seems to be sick right before or after a weekend could be very frustrating. It leads to all sorts of conclusions, doesn’t it?

Let’s face it; we don’t think they’re sick, do we?

So, what can you do about it? If your company has policies they are in alignment with, in other words, if they are within corporate policy guidelines, there really is nothing you can do to stop them.

But that’s not fair. It doesn’t set a good example to the rest of the team.

But it’s legal.  If you’re company set policies which the employee is following, unless you are in a position to change the policy, you need to live by them.

But I don’t trust them. They are getting away with something and I don’t like it.

Ah, the challenges of being a manager or business owner with employees!

So what can you do?

Change your question to change your focus.

Your focus is completely subjective and attempting to come up with solutions based on your subjectivity will lead to increased frustration and no results.

So objectively – what’s the issue with the employee being out? Are they doing their work?

If the answer is yes, but they could be doing more, you need to define the “more.”

If the answer is yes, but it’s not fair, then what you need to do is let go – this is your issue, causing you frustration, anger, stress or whatever unpleasantness you’re experiencing. I know this is easier said then done; one of the biggest challenges for managers is to put their personal values aside.

If the answer is no, what aren’t they doing? Focus on that – if it’s a measurable goal already in writing, use that for reference. If its not, get it in writing and get it in their performance plan!

When you have frustrating situations and you ask yourself questions which help shift your focus:

• You can shift from an issue with no answers to something with an objective measurement
• You can let go of personal frustration
• You can focus on results

What other frustrating situations do you have which you seem to have no answer?

In his nationally televised state of the union address, President Barack Obama said he wanted to hear all ideas and my door is always open.

Really?

So if I just happened to go to Washington DC and went to the White House, I would immediately be let into the oval office to talk with him.

Okay, that’s ridiculous, I’m an ordinary citizen.

But you mean if any senator, congressman just wanted to talk they could simply walk in?

Doubtful, Very doubtful.

They could see the president but an appointment would need to be made since his schedule is pretty busy.

Well, so is yours.

Do you ever use that blanket statement my door is always open? Do you ever hear anyone else say it?

It’s a standard which you couldn’t possibly meet.

Now you can say, what’s the harm, it’s only a statement, everyone uses it, and no one means it literally.

But this kind of thinking sets you up. It gets you to not keep your word. Not keeping our word leads to miscommunication. Miscommunication is one of the biggest challenges of all managers, leaders and entrepreneurs.

When dealing with direct reports who need your guidance it would be more meaningful to say something like if you have any questions, email me anytime. This gives them an avenue of support without you committing how long it will take for you to get back to them. (Unless you tell them you’ll respond right away, but that’s another issue!).

When we realize what we say matters and stop saying the colloquialisms everyone says:

• People will start to take what we say more literally
• We get help facilitate clear direction in getting things done
• We stand apart from most managers, leaders and entrepreneurs

What expressions do you hear which you know are meaningless when said?

Comment here!

More then likely it’s because you are letting your emotions guide your leadership rather then the actual facts.

As human beings, emotions are a part of us and vital to living our lives to their fullest. But emotions easily get in the way of effective decision making, whether we are managers, entrepreneurs, or simply trying to do our jobs.

They get us into difficult situations which could lead to open conflicts with others, avoidance of some, and rising blood pressure within ourselves.

The trick is to convert any emotional issue into a measurable fact.

For example, recently teaching a management skills workshop, one of the managers was frustrated by a moody employee. This manager felt the employee’s moodiness was a downer and affected morale.

Okay, but how would you approach the employee? If you tell them they are moody, the reaction could be one from argumentative to denial to filing charges for harassment.

If you can convert this moodiness to a fact you have a measurable way in.

For example, in this case, you could say: In last week’s meeting, you gave a reason this project would go wrong.

Using this fact you can create a conversation which will focus on how to either stop saying things like this, or balancing where it could go wrong with where it could go right.

Either way you’re avoiding the word moody. You are using facts.

If you can’t find a fact, it means it’s personal to you and more then likely not needed to be resolved for a better good. If this is the case, accepting and leaving it as is will alleviate a lot of conflict which leads to no resolution.

When you use facts to present situations which need to be resolved:

• You have thought about the situation before talking about it
• You shift the conversation to something which can be managed
• It’s not about you and your values

Shifting feelings into facts gets easier the more you do it.

And it feels good!

Learn how to come up with effective facts so you can communicate a complete message that will help minimize misunderstanding and conflict, reduces stress and increases overall productivity.

Whether this is something you or someone you know needs to do, Fulcrum Point Partners has the managerial tools to help you make the shift from subjectivity to objectivity to decrease your stress and conflict and increase your productivity!

How do you interpret it when someone says they always do something?

To demonstrate how easy it is to misinterpret communications I do an exercise in my management skills workshops.

I have everyone write down common words we all use, such as frequently, occasionally, never and always.

I then have them put a number next to each word, from 0 to 100. This number represents the percentage of what they feel the word means.

Naturally, there are a lot of numbers and ranges for words such as frequently and occasionally.

But when I first did this exercise I wrote down 100% for always and 0% for never.

My logic told me if someone says always it means all the time, therefore 100%. And if someone says never they mean not at all, which interprets to 0%.

I was initially surprised when people did not share my logic. Now I know people will not share my logic.

I have done this exercise several hundred times.

I NEVER had every single person pick 100% for always or 0% for never.

And I mean that literally!

People’s interpretations of these words have to do with their experiences such as broken promises from others. So they don’t take what people say at face value.

What this shows me is how easy it is to have miscommunications. If we interpret the so called easy words how do we manage the more complex?!

When and if I recall how easy it is to interpret everything said:

• I tried to talk in specifics
• I have the other person repeat back what was said even if it seems obvious
• I ask the other person to clarify what they are saying more often if I don’t understand or think it could lead to misinterpretation

Miscommunication leads to lack of understanding which leads to frustration. Taking the time to clear it up could take seconds and save hours! 

Not always, but sometimes!

Learn 5 tips in communicating a complete message that will help minimize misunderstand and conflict, reduces stress and increases overall productivity.

Whether this is something you or someone you know needs to do, Fulcrum Point Partners has the managerial tools to help you make the shift from subjectivity to objectivity to decrease your stress and conflict and increase your productivity!

So one day, this manager called the employee into the room to tell him he was fired. The employee was shocked.

The manager was confused. He said to his employee I told you if you didn’t shape up you’d be let go.

The employee’s response: yes, but you didn’t say I’d be fired.

This employee was a blithering idiot, right? Well, maybe not.

What else could let go mean?

It could mean transferred to a different department, different manager, and different position.

Maybe the employee thought I’d be let go to another department or I’d be let go to another position, or finally – I’ll be let go and away from this manager I can’t stand!

Whether it was denial, ignorance, hearing what we want to hear – we all have been on the employee side of this. I know I have – with peers, friends and family. Especially family!

And as managers our best attempts to be clear can still lead to different conclusions then what we were communicating.

Are there any guarantees to get the communication right?

Well, no.

But there are steps you can take to minimize miscommunication. They can include making sure you understand what you are comfortable saying and not saying, getting your employees (or the person you’re communicating to) to repeat back what they heard, and following up if this is something which will go over a period of time.

When I accept my best and obvious communications can still be received in a way I didn’t attend:

• I try to be more specific in precarious situations
• I listen and observe more after the conversation to see if anything has changed
• I stop before I talk to think (and even write) things through

The brilliance of communications is its up to so much interpretation and creativity. And therein lays the challenge as well.

My sister-in-law promised my eldest niece two desserts, one at the restaurant where we were having dinner and then an ice cream shop. Because dinner took so long my 7 year old niece was informed there would be no time to go get the ice cream.

But that isn’t fair was her response!

After some whining, crying, drama (from her, not me!) with follow up coaching from me and her 5 year old sister, the issue was resolved. She got the ice cream.

But before the resolution, everything went awry because fairness was not perceived favorably by my niece.

Being fair (or fairness), being fair to others, is high on the list of people’s values.

The Academy of Management lists fairness as one of their 54 work values. Whenever I facilitate groups of managers on a values exercise, fairness always (and I mean every time, so if I’ve done 100 facilitations doing this exercise, this has happened 100 times) is in the top 5 of the collected group’s values.

I have coached upper managers and executives who aspire to be fair to everyone. I have seen white papers written where one of the goals is to be fair.

As a leader or manager do you aspire to be fair?

If you do, stop!

You are setting yourself up for stress, conflict, miscommunication and unproductive time.

Going for fair is a trap. This is because what’s fair to you is different for someone else. Fair is a feeling based on our values, experience and past. It’s not about being right or wrong yet if we feel something is not fair then we do feel we are being wronged and we’re in the right.

Fair is subjective. Subjective measurements and suggestions can not lead to agreement unless everyone involved sees whatever is happening the exact same way. And the likeliness of this happening in a work environment is as high a probability as a 7 year old accepting she can’t have her ice cream because the service in a restaurant was too slow!

As we start to recognize the trap of using the word fair:

• We can recognize how much or little we each use the word
• We will see how much the word is used by others
• We can start to focus on how to use objective measurements instead of the subjective fair

And when you start to do this, ironically you will be heading towards being fair!

I was playing a tennis match. My doubles partner said to me: when we’re playing on the side facing the sun, we should let the ball bounce before we hit it since it would be hard to see and odds are we would hit it right into the net.

Good idea.

We were on the side facing the sun. The ball was hit to my partner. She went for the ball without letting it bounce. It went right into the net.

I laughed. She looked at me kind of funny. I said

You just did what you said not to do!

She got it and laughed as well.

In this circumstance we laughed but many times a situation of miscommunication can lead to conflict, lack of motivation or anger.

As a leader or manager do you ever get frustrated when something isn’t done when and how you think it should have been?

Can it be possible that maybe, just maybe, you aren’t always leading by example or not communicating fully what the outcome should be?

Is it possible you can have a do as I say, not as I do attitude?

When I acknowledge I try to motivate clients with actions which could work but I wouldn’t necessarily do myself:

• I get sometimes this works as we’re all different and some are very willing to do things others won’t
• I need to dig deep within myself to understand the lack of motivation for me to acknowledge it could be un-motivating for them as well
• I realize doing this could cause me to appear insincere which could get others angry and unproductive

It is conceivable even if you don’t do something it is beneficial for others to do so. Even that acknowledgment, and the reasons why, could get someone motivated.

While my tennis partner didn’t follow her own advice, I did. And it helped me in some moments.

A do as I say, not as I do attitude can work if acknowledged. And if it doesn’t work, and you get its there, you can change it to something which does work!

Then technology changed, side effects minimized. I knew several people who had it done and it was very successful.

Also I got older. As I got older my contacts (gas permeable) started to irritate me more and more – it didn’t matter if it was in the middle of a tennis match or talking with a client or just watching TV. Without warning they would sting me and bother me.

I spent more time looking for the contact behind my eye ball or on the floor somewhere (I always found it!)

So I researched on the best type of Lasik for me. This was quite a feat for me as I’m not usually a detailed oriented person.

I didn’t think I would qualify for this type of surgery because of my age, how bad my eyesight was and a history of cataracts, detached retinas and glaucoma in my family.

Turns out this surgery is great for older types of people with bad eye sight. And fortunately my eyes were healthy and I didn’t get anything genetic pertaining to the above conditions.

So I was a candidate.

I took a breath. I discussed the pros and cons with different people. I got a 2nd opinion from another doctor.

I decided to move ahead. I pushed through my fears, something I consult my clients to do all the time.

I see almost 20/20 and I believe as a little more time progresses I will see 20/20!

It is quite amazing and surreal. (Now what do I do with 5 pairs of glasses, 12 contact cases, 1 attachable sunglasses, 2 unopened contact enzyme cleaners and 3 bottles of cleaning and soaking solutions!)

In this case, because of technology, media, others who shared their success and challenges, and a great doctor, something I never thought possible became possible.

It gets me thinking:

What else is out there that I don’t think is possible but really is?

When I really feel the possibilities are endless based on this experience:

• I look with more determination at issues which have stood in my way
• My courage overcomes my fears
• I get more daring

When I work with managers they find there’s a lot they can do to change a situation without having to rely on the employee who doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight. All of a sudden possibilities can be endless when before they were hopeless or just darn frustrating.

In other words, an employee who falls short can be an opportunity to advance as a manager.

Does having troublesome employee’s sound familiar? Whether this story is for you or someone you know, Fulcrum Point Partners has the shift you need to change stressful and unproductive situations into possibilities of success!