Using What I Teach
I teach managers, executives and other professionals how to deal with difficult people and how to manage conflict. I also coach this one on one with my clients.
I have a specific tool which I administer so people can better understand how they behave and how others behave differently. It emphasizes it isn’t about a right way or a wrong way, it just is the way it is.
This tool does help people to reduce their conflict. It helps them shift these difficult people into allies; or at least neutralize them so they can be tolerated!
So since I teach this stuff and know the tool inside and out, it’s easy for me to use it when I’m in conflict.
I wish.
I was working with someone on a project. We needed it done, well, two days ago. Now the reason for this wasn’t exactly the other person’s fault.
Actually it was my fault.
I had delayed in getting my materials together.
But really they only needed a couple of days to get their stuff together.
4 days went by.
One week went by.
Still not done.
I was getting anxious and irritable. I didn’t understand what was taking this person so long.
I asked politely. I left her alone. I then emailed and called.
She said she was working on it.
I couldn’t cut her out of the project. It was the point of no return, as far as I was concerned.
Then she was done (10 days).
The work was perfect. Precise. Exactly what I needed and things I didn’t realize I needed until I saw them.
I laughed.
I realized what happened.
I was so caught up in the project having to be completed I had forgotten we all behave differently.
I’m pretty fast paced; I need to see the outcome thereby perhaps ignoring the details. She was very detailed driven.
The combination of these skills was needed for this project.
Looking back if I had used the suggested actions I teach to others in dealing with her during the time period I was waiting for her to finish, I might have gotten more communication from her, understood what she was doing and (perhaps) been more patient and less stressed.
And she might have felt I wasn’t acting like a crazed lunatic (I don’t know if she felt this way but looking back I feel like I acted this way!)
When I remember the tools I teach to others can also benefit me:
• It keeps me involved and not an observer
• I’m reminded I still have lots to learn
• I’m proud what I teach can impact others
And while I might have been heated about this person and situation for days, it’s better then stewing for months or years!